Getting Free

Depression has a way of locking its tendrils deep into your soul and dragging you deeper into the darkness. The biggest thing is to find a way to cope with the feelings of darkness and despair.

For years, I tried to cope on my own with my feelings and it was never easy. I lied about how I felt to anyone and everyone. “I’m ok…” or “I’m fine…” I lived in my world of lies, because I did not want to burden anyone with my problems. I felt like a burden for years and it was not until recently that I realized that it was not my decision as to whether or not I was burden to someone.

After years of silence and the death of my grandmother and puppy, I finally broke my silence with my general practitioner. She told me that she was not able to diagnose me, but that she could treat me once the diagnoses was made. Breaking my silence was difficult. I had made the first step, I knew I had a problem but doing something about it was something completely different.

Getting free is not easy. I have been in and out of therapy and I have been on different medications. The toughest part is finding the right doctor for you. I saw a doctor that kept adding and telling me to take more and more, despite my complaints of increased urges to harm myself. I saw a Nurse Practitioner who added meds to treat side effects from meds. When she left the practice I began seeing another Psychiatrist that had been dubbed “The Chemist” by her colleagues. She is not the most personable of people, but she has a degree in chemistry and and knows how medications work. She, unlike my general practitioner, know that mixing Cymbalta and Straterra would not work for me.

We work together and to get me right and that is important.

I also see a therapist who helps me sort my thoughts and find solutions.

The best thing to do to thwart depression or anxiety is to process the feelings… why do I feel this way? What has happened to change how I am feeling?

Processing is not easy, but you can push yourself through it and once it’s over you will be surprised With the results.

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