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Why am I affected by the holidays?
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The Daily Struggle
Some days are better than others and some days I just want to find a nice rock to crawl under and vanish. Being able to get through the good and the bad is not something that has to be done alone.
When people go through the “rehabilitation” process, may it be getting over drugs or an injury, the counselors talk about how it is important to have a support system. I remember doing an exercise where I was tasked to draw a tree. After I drew the tree, I was told that the tree represented me and that the roots (pictured or not) were my support system and the branches were all of the things drawing away from who I am. A tree cannot stand without it’s roots and you alone cannot stand without a support system.
A support system is your family, your friends, your confidantes, your therapist, your pets, and God. A building a relationship with God can help you grow stronger and face things that you may or may not have been able to face alone in the past. The definition of being a Christian is allowing God into your heart and seeking God out. God calls all of us to seek Him out and it’s important to heed that call.
There are going to be forks in the road, there are going to be life changes, and there are going to be struggles. I am the first to admit it is not easy to open up about feelings or personal struggles, but the easiest person to open yourself up to is God. Why? Because God knows what is in your heart, whether or not you do.
When you hit that wall and you think you cannot get past it, pick up your Bible and seek God. He knows what’s going even if you are not sure yourself. Ask Him for guidance and, this one is very hard for me, for help.
Remember in that moment of darkness you are never alone.
Here’s a Valkyrie Poster my friend gave me when I was feeling down:
The researchers and smart people say that exercise helps with depression and anxiety. My Fitbit attempts to motivate me to do 5 activities a week and be more active. I think I need more motivation.
Life changes are defined as events that happen in your life and have a major effect on how you live your life.
People hate 2 things in life, change and the way things are. They, also, only argue over 2 things in relationships, sex and money.
So, with those out of the way…
Life changes are scary. You may be getting married, you may lose a family member, you may be graduating from school, a love relationship may be ending, you may be moving, you may be having a child, or you may be changing jobs. No matter what it is, it is a change and it is going to be scary.
I will be graduating from college in April 2018. I have been in college, off and on, since August 2000. I know that 18 years is a long time to go through college and get your undergraduate degree, but I had a lot of life changes that led to changes in how I was going to or school or if I was going to to school.
In 2002, my dad lost his job, I was engaged and decided to make the move back home to my parent’s house and work on finding a job while I was in school. I got married in July 2003, I started my career with my current job in August 2004, I got a horse, I got a dog, and started going to school part-time. I started taking my mental health issues seriously. Then on October 16, 2013, my husband and I separated after I broke my foot.
The separation was a huge wake up after being married for 10 years. My angel, Nemo my Papillon dog, got me through all of it. He went on trips with me. He cuddled me and he cared for me. The divorce led me to quitting school for two years. It, also, led me to a class offered at my parent’s church called Beginning Experience.
Beginning Experience (BE) is a non-profit non-denominational organization started to help people who are going through or have been through the end of a love relationship. The end of a love relationship can mean death of a loved one, divorce, or separation. The program was a two-year, meet once a week with a small group recovery program. This program changed my life.
The first few months in the program was difficult. I did not want to go. I did not want to face the truth. I did not want to face myself. I felt humiliated. I felt ashamed. I felt like a failure.
But… I did go. I forced myself to go and my friend encouraged me. I learned that I was not alone in my feelings and that I was not the only person that felt humiliated, ashamed and like a failure. In fact, a lot of people were going through all of the feelings I was going through.
The second term, the introduced a book to us called Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher EDD and Robert Albert, PHD. This book takes you through the many different steps that you go through when your love relationship ends. There are many steps, more than Alcoholics Anonymous, and you find yourself bouncing from one step to another. You go back three blocks and go back through one, that’s ok. Everyone does. This book taught me a lot about Life Changes and how they effect your life.
Life changes are scary. You are comfortable with the way things are and when they change you’re not sure what you’re going to do.
I lost my dog in 2016 and I do not think that I could have made it through that change in my life, had my boyfriend not been there for me. I realized that I finally had the right person in my life when I realized that if anything happened to my dog that I was going to be OK. I relied on Nemo for almost 11 years to help me through everything and I finally had a person I could lean on when I needed someone. Someone who wouldn’t buckle or try to buy me happiness. Someone who truly can make me happy.
Someone who brought me back to GOD and helped me to build a stronger relationship with HIM.
So, when you are facing a Life Change… REMEMBER… you are not alone and you don’t have to hold the reins. Let it go, and give it to GOD. PUT it at the Cross… HAVE FAITH that God will guide you to where you need to be.
I started writing this post feeling anxious about facing my graduation date and finding a new job. But I took that, wrapped it up, and put it at the Cross. I prayed, “God, I need you I can’t do this alone. Help me!”
God does not answer directly. He sends things into your life. You just have to have the Faith and the open heart to receive it.
I have been wearing a FitBit with a heart rate monitor for a little over 2 years now. I have an iPhone and an iPad, but I chose FitBit over an Apple Watch because it monitors your heart rate 24/7. I wanted this option, because I have an inappropriate sinus tachycardia arrhythmia. Which means I’ve a heart rate that will go up with no good reason and then when I exercise it goes up and does not want to come back down. I thought I was out of shape or asthmatic, because my lungs were always so tight and I was short of breath. It turns out after wearing a heart monitor for a month and a stress test that it was my heart.
Needless to say, I chose the FitBit option for the constant heart rate monitoring at first. I started with a Charge HR, that I wore out. I wanted to get a Smartwatch after my Charge HR began coming apart. Everyone I knew had an Apple Watch, but I was also loyal to FitBit. Especially, after I read a story about a man who’s life was saved by his FitBit.
A man went into an ER having problems with his heart. He showed the doctor the data his Charge HR had collected and the doctor was able to determine that his heart was beating irregularly. The doctor was able to shock the man’s heart back into rhythm and save his life. Needless to say the FitBit’s selling point of constantly monitoring your heart rate was big for me.
But like any goal… there will be set backs and moments where you don’t quite reach it. I must admit. I’m having a wee bit of trouble, but my FitBit is throwing some motivation to do it.