There are people who tell themselves, and others, that they don’t keep secrets. Some of this may be true, while others have a dirty little Personality Disorders that make them think they’re being honest. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) creates these differences in how you feel and react to things that happen in your life.
I can see how they would think that someone with BPD may have Split Personality Disorder, or Manic depression with the way that you behave. The oscillating from one emotion to the next with little or no warning. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg for someone with BPD.
Someone with BPD keeps secrets, but these are special secrets because people with Bpd don’t know they have them.
BPD can blind the person from the truth of their feelings and emotions. The world can start spinning by the person and their emotions out of control. They see it and feel it happening, but they don’t understand.
The subconscious can hold keys to many things, and that’s not just physiologists talking. There are Shaman who believe that they can journey through the realm of the sleep. But dreams no matter how small or large may offer an answer to those questions you’re asking.
BPD keeps the person who has it in the dark from the true inner feelings and emotions. That person could land in an unhealthy relationship or do something harmful to themselves without ever realizing that it’s all been a lie.
Learning about BPD has been an awakening experience for me. It’s as though I have heard the secrets that my mind has kept from me. The reasons why I have done what I have with my life and the true reasons behind a surge of emotions.
I am in a long term relationship. I have been for five years. He is a supportive man who has gotten me through rough mental patches and rough health patches. But I kept having this feeling of sadness and emotions well up inside of me.
I realized that my BPD had me too afraid to end the relationship. Worse, it kept me from expressing things that were a problem for me. I was accepting his reasons for things and allowing him to cross my boundaries.
I would get angry and blame myself, but the truth is more than the bottled emotions. It’s more than me accepting things to avoid an end to a relationship. It’s accepting things that are not acceptable to me, for the sake of the other party.
I am working to address the issues with my boyfriend, but hearing the secrets that I keep woke me up.
When I started this post, I had not yet awoken to this realization. The meme I posted and the song helped me to make this realization. It took me a while to finish this post and face up to the secrets that I keep. But here it is.