Breaking the Silence

I was diagnosed with Lupus on April 15th. I began a new medication to help with some of the symptoms and told to cut Gluten and Sugar from my diet.

For years, I have suffered from pain and swelling in my legs. My feet, my ankles, my knees… I was told that I had a venous insufficiency. I went to a vascular surgeon who completed an ablation of a vein in my left leg and later added a stent in the Illiac Vein in my left leg. The last time I visited him, he couldn’t tell me why my legs were still swelling and so painful.

Hypoglycemia snuck in about the same time. The endocrinologist could not tell me why I had it. The doctor suggested that it meant that I was going to be diabetic.

For 20 + years, I suffered from endometriosis. I had a hysterectomy at the age of 35.

I was diagnosed with an arrhythmia 4 to 5 years ago. I started having problems with breathing, chest pains and went to my cardiologist. Things that could not be explained with my heart condition.

So, the diagnosis was the answer to a lot of questions and problems in my life.

The only thing is, now life is a little more difficult. I can no longer eat the same food as the people around me. I have to plan my meals and eat separately.

Not being able to eat like everyone around you, makes you feel like an outsider. Having an autoimmune disease only adds to the fire of feeling like an outsider.

It’s strange how when your young they beat it into you that you need to eat right and exercise and you’ll be fine. When you get older, you thumb your nose at those ideas. You eat what you want and you gain weight… It’s all just part of being American.

You get older and smarter and realize that what you were told as child was correct. You start eating better and exercising, but all of that gets frustrating when none of it seems to help you to feel better. It makes you reject the eating better and exercising, because you become angry and disillusioned.

Disillusioned is where I was when I learned that I have Lupus. Where I am now is feeling frustrated again. I need to not eat Gluten or Sugar to avoid the other health issues that are related to Lupus, but it’s so hard to be around everyone else who are eating what they want.

It’s so hard to describe the feelings and what it’s like to be so different from everyone around you.

I have to work on getting past those feelings.