Recharging the Batteries
I am an ISTJ, which stands for Introverted, Sensitive, Thinking, Judging. This is one of the 16 personality types identified by Katherine Briggs and Isabel Myers.
ISTJ indicates a person who is energized by time spent alone (Introverted), who focuses on facts and details rather than ideas and concepts (Sensing), who makes decisions based on logic and reason (Thinking) and who prefers to be planned and organized rather than spontaneous and flexible (Judging). ISTJs are sometimes referred to as Inspector personalities because of their focus on details and interest in doing things correctly.
Sometimes the most difficult thing for me to do is to recharge my batteries. I get worn out going to Walmart or a grocery store and I find it difficult to find the energy to finish what I’m doing. This makes a lot of things in my life difficult.
I want to go out and spend time with family and friends, but some, like my boyfriend, are extroverts and get energized from being out in the world with people. I find myself wanting to avoid family events and parties. This difficult, because some times the family gatherings come to me.
I show horses and my barn acts like a family. We go to meals together and, of course, shows together. Often the different personalities and the outgoing personalities wear me out. I find ways to avoid spending too much time around strong personality types by doing barn chores, but sometimes that’s not enough.
My truck is a 2011 Chevrolet Sliverado LT 2500 HD Z71 Duramax. His name is Archy, after the character in the 2008 movie RockNRolla by Guy Richie. When I first saw this truck online, it had all of the bells and whistles I wanted. A good stereo system, electric adjustable pedals, diesel engine, and radio controls on the steering wheel.
When I first bought the truck I was intimidated, but I have grown to love and enjoy every bit of it. For me, it’s more than just a means of transportation for me and hauling horses. My truck is my fortress of solitude.
People thinking I am crazy, because I would rather travel alone in my truck than have someone ride with me. But when I am alone in my truck, I don’t have to worry about offending anyone with my book or Audible books. I can turn up the volume as loud as I want on my favorite song or book. Plus the hum of the diesel soothes me even in my most anxious of moments.
My truck does what I ask and more. It’s reliable and the sound of the Duramax humming brings me peace. I can get in, turn on the engine, set my cabin temperature, and lean my seat back for a nap. The engine will hum on and let me sleep.
My cabin is quiet and I have peace even when I need it. I have cried alone in my cab more than I would like to admit and I have had moments of anger and frustration there as well. If I need to talk to someone, the Bluetooth connection allows me to talk to people without having to hold a phone.
When I bought my truck in 2013, I did not know how much happiness I would find in this truck. It has done everything I have asked and more. My boyfriend wants me to push past my anxieties and introversion, but it’s always good to have a place where I can go and find relief.
My Journey with Depression and Anxiety 