Why does it matter?

Holiday Blues

I went shopping at Walmart last week and went through the Garden Department.  The Garden Department is host to bicycles, gardening tools and now pre-lit Christmas trees.  So, it’s not quite Thanksgiving, but the trees are illuminated and the decorations are getting set up.  I guess that means we’re skipping holidays?

It made me sad to see the Christmas lights going up.

Why sad?

It means the year is almost over.  It means that time has passed by.  I’m another year older… and I still don’t feel any wiser.  But I guess this “wiser” is something that is perceived by the viewer.  But I am at the: What have I accomplished? What have I done with my life?  What have I achieved?  Why does it all matter?

I can answer the what’s, but it’s the why I struggle with.

Why does it matter?

I have been thinking about this question since I started writing this post.

We live in a world where people define themselves by their accomplishments. Getting married, having children, having that job of all jobs… I used to think that “accomplishments” like these were what defined me. My boyfriend snapped me out of it and taught me that things like that don’t define who I am.

This year I have had many accomplishments… I graduated from college, I began a new career, I have made steps to better my health.   These accomplishments may be outside of the social norm, but that social norm seems a tad antiquated.

There was a time when women were expected to marry and have children, but that was how life was in that time.  I have heard stories of those women going crazy, in a time when psychological disorders were misunderstood, and they poisoned their entire families.  In that time, it was necessary to have children and a family because that was how you worked your farm.  Today, things are different.

I think that the social norm that a woman is expected to be married with children by the age of 40 is old fashioned and over rated.  As my ex husband used to say, “People our age are either having children or getting divorced.”  Perhaps, this is all due the antiquated societal way thinking.

People get married trying to produce that fabulous family of 2.5 children and those marriages are rushed.  Those children are had trying to fill that ingrained need to be fruitful and multiply.  I think that this is not the best thing for our society.  So many of those marriages end in divorce with children going between the parents.  I, also, think that even in today’s world there are women who have children and do not want them.

I had two huge problems with having children with my ex-husband.  One of the problems was knowing good and well I would have to fund the child on my own, because he was not to be bothered with helping take care of the financial strains of our dog’s ailments.  The second was that I was afraid that once I had my children I would resent them and not want them.

I think that if I had had a child with him I would have loved it from the start and done anything for it like I did for my dog.  I know that now from how I am with my boyfriend’s children.


Christmas is the sign of the end of another year.  Don’t let society dictate what your life’s accomplishments should be and measure your accomplishments by what defines who you are as a person.  Find what makes you happy and grow that.  Don’t be afraid of being a social Praia, because you are you and that is more important that anything society has to say.

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