An Introvert and Music

I have a deep connection with music and enjoy many different varieties.

The world and life of an introvert is not an easy place. Many of introverts suffer from depression and anxiety.

Introverts do a lot of self-infliction which is generally caused by our wonderful nature of over thinking EVERYTHING. We are the ones that lie awake at night and think about something we said 5 years ago and how we regret it. We regret EVERYTHING. We think EVERYONE hates us or is mad at us about something that we cannot control.

NEVER EVER tell an Introvert, “Don’t over think it” because that does not work. That’s like telling an alcoholic, “Don’t over drink”. It just does not work.

Introverts loathe mornings and that’s due to the fact that psychologically our brains take a while to start. We are that 1992 Windows 3.1 computer that you turn on and wait 20 minutes for it run through everything so you can type the command to load windows. We are that dial up connection that dials up 3 times before a successful connection and it will take about 30 minutes, so get your coffee. So, we think mornings can take a long walk off short piers or cliffs. But that’s another topic…

Music… oh sweet precious music. Music can set my mood, trigger flashbacks, or make me cry

The song Jumper by Third Eye Blind for instance has a profound effect on me.

It speaks to the person who is at that edge and ready to take that step off. The ledge is a place where a lot of people find themselves with depression and anxiety. They may not be able to express or share their feelings, but this song speaks out and says, “I would understand”. Those are the words are what people are looking for when he/she is depressed and ready at the edge.

These people are the ones that police officers talk to that are standing on that overpass bridge ready to jump to his/her death. These people have remedied within their own minds that the only way to solve a problem is to kill themselves. This is something that introverts do. We overthink and find our own resolutions that we think would make others happy.

This song comes to mind when I hear about someone killing his/herself and it comes to mind when I find myself tempted by the demon to harm myself.

This morning, I listened to S.O.B. By Nathaniel and the Night Sweats. It sounds like a song straight out of the movie The Blues Brothers, but it does have some language as you can tell by the lyrics. I was having a bit of a morning and wishing for a drink. I was scrolling through my music to find it and found it by the name of the song. The next song to play was Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

Listening to Sabotage reminds me of when I was kid and I watched the video on MTV. In the video the boys play like they are Police Detectives with bad suits, bad wigs, and bad glasses. The music has a distinct guitar rhythm. This song hypes me up and makes me want to run around and slide across car hoods. This song got me through my morning. My later music choices of the day are blurry.

If I am having a hard day or feeling overwhelmed, I can pop in my ear buds and blast off a song. Last night, I felt overwhelmed at the pizza shop my boyfriend and I were eating at. I tend to use my ear buds when I go grocery shopping and people give me the strangest looks. I think it’s because they do not understand what it is like to be an introvert.

Being an introvert means that you get over stimulated when you are in stores like Walmart or Publix. You have to take breaks to recharge your batteries and get going again. For me, the best recharge is a good solid song. One that can reach deep into my soul and zap it with a full charge.

Which leads to why I enjoy being alone in my car…. yes, I sing. Yes, I dance. And, no I don’t care…

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