Music is very important to me and I like a lot of different types of music. I can go from listening to Three Dog Night to Ice Cube within an hour. But nothing changes the songs that reflect how I feel.
How do you feel?
After my ex-husband left me, I was asked what happiness meant. The Beatles’ song Happiness is a Warm Gun rattled around in my head. It was not the beast moment in my life, but the song spoke to me at the time.
Reading the lyrics, I find that the song is about addiction and drugs. The next lines go into happiness being a warm gun.
The happiness seems to be what the warm gun brings to the person. Which is an end, “I know nobody can do me harm…” I know a lot of people feel safety from owning and carrying a weapon, but just carrying a gun doesn’t keep you safe from harm. The only way to be safe from harm is to pass over.
This need to escape from “harm” is something that people with depression and anxiety seek. It leads to addiction, it leads to self-harm… and sometimes death.
This death is a social pariah. It’s one that brings “shame” to families and the person who dies remains misunderstood. The death I speak are overdose and suicide.
People have a hard time understanding suicide. If you talk to someone who knows someone who recently died, you will find that they have a look of “I don’t get it”. They will say that someone killed his/herself, give you “the look” and shrug.
It’s hard to understand why someone would chose this route over life. I think for some people it is so hard, because they have never experienced the feelings that come with what leads up to the act. We are independently minded creatures, which means that we all perceive and receive information differently. Something that is traumatic to me, may not be to anyone else and no one can control how I feel.
When I talk to someone that gives me the shrug or the look, I feel bad for the person who has passed. It makes me realize how important it is for us to share our thoughts and feelings with the ones we love, otherwise they are not going to understand. Sure, some people won’t understand, but the ones who don’t try to understand aren’t the ones you need around.
Those That Want to Understand
The people who are in your life that truly care and want to understand. These are the people that annoy you with phone calls and inundate you with emails. They are the ones who push you to do your best and are there when you fall. These people are the ones that you need to talk to when things get rough, when you get hurt, or when the line between truth and reality seems faded. These are the ones who want to understand.
The song Jumper by Third Eyed Blind was a ballad written for a friend who had found the edge and went over it. It was written to say, “I understand where you are, but I don’t want you to do it. If that makes you mad at me, that’s fine. Don’t be my friend. Just, please don’t do it.” It’s a plea to the person to not take his/her life, because that person cares.
Sometimes the biggest misunderstanding of all, is that the person who crosses that line did not know who he/she could talk to. There are resources available such as 800 numbers, message boards, blogs, etc… to help people. But this all lacks the human touch that another person brings. It’s a touch that a therapist, counselor or Psychiatrist cannot offer.
It’s the touch of a true confidant that will listen and not judge that person’s feelings. That person could be you, me, or anyone. Be an advocate, be there for someone who needs it. Don’t be afraid to share yourself, your story and help that person along.