It would seem that my daily boundary pondering has turned into a weekly thing. I started off strong, reading the book, making notes and thinking about what I would share. Today, I look back at that and wonder where I lost steam.
I had a busy weekend. I have had a busy week where I have done some yard word, went on a team outing, and then had a Lupus flare-up. I think that I lost track of my tracking.
Sometimes, I feel like I just don’t have the energy to face my thoughts. This has definitely been one of those weeks. Struggling with dietary restrictions, trying to get control over a yard that has been lost for too long, and trying to be in touch with my feelings.
This need to stay busy is like an offshoot from my anxiety, my personality disorder, or even my lack of boundaries. Now, it’s the end of the week and I can feel everything catching up to me. My body aches, my bones are tired, and breathing is becoming difficult (either because of my anxiety or my arrhythmia).
Now, it’s time to take a minute and ponder these things that need pondering.
Just Say, “No”
The word no is quite possibly the most powerful, two-letter, one syllable word. It can end discussions, it can make decisions, and it tells the lady how you like your mayonnaise.
In the realm of boundaries, no is the magic, basic word. You use it to keep things out of your personal corral. The only problem is that the word only works if you know how to use it.
I know for me, and probably a lot of other people, saying no is probably the hardest thing in the world. That need to have approval, to make others happy, or that need to make that social pressure go away just sometimes outweighs the ability to say it.
You start of waffling and you might get that word out, but then you over turn your decision. Which leads to the inevitable self-loathing, because you have gotten yourself stuck in yet another situation that you don’t like. You look back at the situation and you see that you allowed yourself to buckle under pressure.
Learning how to use this word can get your road guard up and stop the bad things from coming into your little world. I know for me it’s going to take baby steps with a lot of people that are in my social circle to get to where I can do this. But one small victory can lead to another, and eventually you become comfortable defending your boarders.
Other Boundary Makers
When I was married, my ex-husband crossed my boundary lines more than I knew. I was not any good at telling him no and when I did he undermined me. He’d ask someone else to do it.
After we broke up and I put a distance between us, I found that the time and the distances helped me to realize how much he had impeded upon my boundaries. He had made me angry and upset so many times, because he pushed me to do things that I did not want to do. But for me, it took time and space to realize how broken I had become.
Sometimes all you need is a little bit of time and space. It’s like taking the time to remember to breathe.
Our lives become so crowded and confused we don’t realize how much it effects us until it’s too late.
It’s important to take time for yourself and take stock of your emotions. I find myself auditing how I feel, wanting to know why I feel like I do. Why am I so upset? And sometimes I miss the queue and find myself in a ball of anxiety.
Distance and time can help to identify the things that are bothering you. Taking stock of yourself and feelings is important.
Sometimes you can’t identify things on your own and being able to talk to someone can help find boundaries you might be missing.