God, how do you want me to do this?

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. – Colossians 3:2

Life in itself can be overwhelming.

It’s like the saying goes, “As soon as one part of your life gets better, another part falls apart”.

Life for the most part is a series of changes and challenges. How you face these changes and challenges is what defines you as a Christian, or a good person.

God calls people to Him and he calls people to do things. The difficult part is how you handle this thing called Life. Life is wrought with challenges. God puts these challenges out there to test you. The big question is… How do you handle the challenge?

The biggest challenge and the hardest step you can take is to open your heart to God and pass everything over to Him.

Some days you are going to wake up and you are going to feel like everything is against you. You may go to a doctor and receive some news that scares you. But this is all part of Life and Life is a journey.

It’s so hard to open yourself up and be vulnerable with anyone, but with God it takes a lot of Faith. It won’t be easy to open your heart and take that leap. You will question your faith and you will question everything. But in the end it’s a mindset.

Faith is a state of mind and being. You have to be able to be open.

When you’re struggling find a Bible, or look on the web. Open it to a random page and read. You have to create that connection between you and God. You have to make that first step.

Then, when things happen in your life and you feel hopeless… Remember Moses and the Jews traveling through the desert. They faced trial and tribulations. But remember that they aren’t the only ones that spent time in the desert. Jesus had his time of trials on the desert and John the Baptist lived in the desert.

God likes to test his people in the desert, but the desert doesn’t have to be literal. The desert can just be life. You have to decide how you’re going to handle the challenges, but it’s important to remember that when God calls us there’s usually a calling.

The calling won’t be obvious and God’s ways and words are not neither. It’s important to look at what God gives you and realize that behind it all is a greater purpose.

Thoughts… Or should I say Rabbit Trail?

I have heard people say two things that intrigue me, since I have been going to southern baptist bible studies:

  1. Put it at the cross.
  2. Get behind me Satan.

“Put it at the cross”, means to that you have to have the faith to take all of your worries, anxieties, and troubles and put them at the foot of the cross before Christ, before God.

“Get behind me, Satan”, means that you may be having some troubling thoughts or feelings and you are rebuking him and taking his power from him. This goes with the old wife’s tale of throwing salt over your shoulder. You’re throwing the salt over your shoulder to ward of any demons and/or evil that may be sneaking up behind your back. So, the next time you spill salt and throw it over your shoulder think about it getting Satan in the eyes. 😉

Now, why do I bring these up? Well, I really mean only to talk about the first one, but could not resist sharing the useless information from my brain that I have regarding the second statement. I have this horrible problem of absorbing useless information and regurgitating it. Sometimes when I’m nervous it happens and everyone stares at me like I’m crazy. Sometimes when it is pertinent information and everyone stares at me like I’m crazy. Thus is the burden of the introverted brain…

Back on topic…

“Put it at the cross”.

My friends, my readers, Romans and countrymen… this is not any easy task. Nope, nope, nope, nope… The mind of the introvert really loathes the idea of giving up on fixing everything itself. But the mind too, will concede that there are times it is powerless.

Everyone has that moment of hopelessness where everything is spinning wildly out of control. These are the moments that you have to grab it, put it in a wooden crate, nail down the lid and place it at the foot of the cross. Why? Because YOU do not have the power or the knowledge to control every little thing that happens. But there is someone who does…. God.

God is omnipotent and He has a plan for everyone and everything. Which means that everything happens for a reason, His reason. God wants us to know that we are not alone EVER and He’s got this, this thing called “Life”. We just need to have FAITH in Him and give Him our hearts, souls, minds and body’s.

Here are the lyrics to the song “Colours” by GroupLove. I find this song deep and it’s about “Life” and trials.

“I am a man, man, man, man

Up, up in the air

And I run around, round, round, round

this down town and act like I don’t care.

So when you see me flying by the planet’s moon,

You don’t need to explain if everything’s changed

Just know I’m just like you.

Huh. Ha.

Huh. Ha.

Huh. Ha.

Huh. Ha.

So I pull the switch, the switch, the switch inside my head.

And I see black, black, green,

and brown, brown, brown and blue, yellow, violets, red.

And suddenly a light appears inside my brain

And I think of my ways,

I think of my days

and know that I have changed.

It’s the colors you have

No need to be sad.

It really ain’t that bad.

It’s the colors you have

No need to be sad.

You’ve still got your hand

So Mistress, Mistress have you been up to the roof?

He shot himself, self

There’s blood on the wall

‘Cause he couldn’t face the truth.

Oh, knock that down,

leave the ground and find some space

And tell your friends, friends,

You’ll be back again, gain

Before it’s too late.

It’s the colors you have

No need to be sad.

It really ain’t that bad.

Oh, It’s the colors you have

No need to be sad.

It really ain’t that bad

It’s the colors you have

No need to be sad.

You’ve still got your hand

So I am a man, man, man, man

Up, up in the air

And I float around, ’round, ’round this downtown

And know I shouldn’t care.

So when you see us there out in the open road

You don’t need to explain

If everything’s changed

Just know that you don’t know.

We call it… (Life)

Oh yeah, that’s what we call it.

We can’t call it at all.

We call it… (Life)

Oh yeah, that’s what we call it.

When you can’t call it at all.

Yeah, We call it (Life)

Oh yeah that’s what we call it.


We do it for… (sweet love)”

Life Changes

Life changes are defined as events that happen in your life and have a major effect on how you live your life.

People hate 2 things in life, change and the way things are. They, also, only argue over 2 things in relationships, sex and money.

So, with those out of the way…

Life changes are scary. You may be getting married, you may lose a family member, you may be graduating from school, a love relationship may be ending, you may be moving, you may be having a child, or you may be changing jobs. No matter what it is, it is a change and it is going to be scary.

I will be graduating from college in April 2018. I have been in college, off and on, since August 2000. I know that 18 years is a long time to go through college and get your undergraduate degree, but I had a lot of life changes that led to changes in how I was going to or school or if I was going to to school.

In 2002, my dad lost his job, I was engaged and decided to make the move back home to my parent’s house and work on finding a job while I was in school. I got married in July 2003, I started my career with my current job in August 2004, I got a horse, I got a dog, and started going to school part-time. I started taking my mental health issues seriously. Then on October 16, 2013, my husband and I separated after I broke my foot.

The separation was a huge wake up after being married for 10 years. My angel, Nemo my Papillon dog, got me through all of it. He went on trips with me. He cuddled me and he cared for me. The divorce led me to quitting school for two years. It, also, led me to a class offered at my parent’s church called Beginning Experience.

Beginning Experience (BE) is a non-profit non-denominational organization started to help people who are going through or have been through the end of a love relationship. The end of a love relationship can mean death of a loved one, divorce, or separation. The program was a two-year, meet once a week with a small group recovery program. This program changed my life.

The first few months in the program was difficult. I did not want to go. I did not want to face the truth. I did not want to face myself. I felt humiliated. I felt ashamed. I felt like a failure.

But… I did go. I forced myself to go and my friend encouraged me. I learned that I was not alone in my feelings and that I was not the only person that felt humiliated, ashamed and like a failure. In fact, a lot of people were going through all of the feelings I was going through.

The second term, the introduced a book to us called Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher EDD and Robert Albert, PHD. This book takes you through the many different steps that you go through when your love relationship ends. There are many steps, more than Alcoholics Anonymous, and you find yourself bouncing from one step to another. You go back three blocks and go back through one, that’s ok. Everyone does. This book taught me a lot about Life Changes and how they effect your life.

Life changes are scary. You are comfortable with the way things are and when they change you’re not sure what you’re going to do.

I lost my dog in 2016 and I do not think that I could have made it through that change in my life, had my boyfriend not been there for me. I realized that I finally had the right person in my life when I realized that if anything happened to my dog that I was going to be OK. I relied on Nemo for almost 11 years to help me through everything and I finally had a person I could lean on when I needed someone. Someone who wouldn’t buckle or try to buy me happiness. Someone who truly can make me happy.

Someone who brought me back to GOD and helped me to build a stronger relationship with HIM.

So, when you are facing a Life Change… REMEMBER… you are not alone and you don’t have to hold the reins. Let it go, and give it to GOD. PUT it at the Cross… HAVE FAITH that God will guide you to where you need to be.

I started writing this post feeling anxious about facing my graduation date and finding a new job. But I took that, wrapped it up, and put it at the Cross. I prayed, “God, I need you I can’t do this alone. Help me!”

God does not answer directly. He sends things into your life. You just have to have the Faith and the open heart to receive it.

Fitness day…. umm… 6

I have been wearing a FitBit with a heart rate monitor for a little over 2 years now. I have an iPhone and an iPad, but I chose FitBit over an Apple Watch because it monitors your heart rate 24/7. I wanted this option, because I have an inappropriate sinus tachycardia arrhythmia. Which means I’ve a heart rate that will go up with no good reason and then when I exercise it goes up and does not want to come back down. I thought I was out of shape or asthmatic, because my lungs were always so tight and I was short of breath. It turns out after wearing a heart monitor for a month and a stress test that it was my heart.

Needless to say, I chose the FitBit option for the constant heart rate monitoring at first. I started with a Charge HR, that I wore out. I wanted to get a Smartwatch after my Charge HR began coming apart. Everyone I knew had an Apple Watch, but I was also loyal to FitBit. Especially, after I read a story about a man who’s life was saved by his FitBit.

A man went into an ER having problems with his heart. He showed the doctor the data his Charge HR had collected and the doctor was able to determine that his heart was beating irregularly. The doctor was able to shock the man’s heart back into rhythm and save his life. Needless to say the FitBit’s selling point of constantly monitoring your heart rate was big for me.

But like any goal… there will be set backs and moments where you don’t quite reach it. I must admit. I’m having a wee bit of trouble, but my FitBit is throwing some motivation to do it.

Day 2, physical exercise

I am the sort of person that likes to be busy.

When an object is in motion, it stays in motion until acted upon by an equal or opposite force.

I like having my riding lessons and barn days. I like kayaking on the serene lakes of Oak Mountain State Park. I crave the adrenaline rush of riding my mountain bike through the woods at Oak Mountain. I crave the feeling of water when I am swimming.

Winter dampers outdoor activities with the lack of daylight and the cold it brings.

Yesterday, I committed to starting a cross training physical activity program for myself.

I started with a dusky, dark bike ride through the lamp lit streets of Homewood. I rode my cyclocross bike, because I can hop curves, off-road, and still have good on road performance. I knocked out 4 miles and it soothed my cravings for thrashing bike trails some. When I finished I felt relieved, relaxed and happy.

Today, I had class until 7:30 pm and felt that was too late for a neighborhood bike ride. Instead, I went to the Rec Center and did a simulated hike in an elliptical machine. I did a 30 + minute work out and felt muscles burning I didn’t know existed. I will admit a real hike would have been more fun, but it was nice to watch some TV.

Now, to see if I can keep this up. My Fitbit does its part to remind me to get up and move, but it’s hard for me to motivate myself to the idea of a stationary cario machine. I may try a shorter cardio workout next time and work in some long overdue weight training.

Why has my anxiety level changed?

Anxiety and I have an interesting relationship.

It has come to my attention that something has changed with the way I react to my anxiety in the last 6 months. I’m trying to think about what has happened.

I found out that I am graduating from college and to get a job in my degree field when I graduate, I am going to need to find a new job. That’s pretty freaky.

I’m living with my boyfriend now, for the most part. That’s change. I had been living with my parents for over a year.

My dog went from a collapsed trachea last year, to a heart murmur over the summer and to heart failure in November.

My boyfriend changed shifts, so I have less time at home a lone. But he gives me freedom to do as I need as though he’s not here.

If you’ve ever wondered what someone going through anxiety thinks about, this is a fine example. Being an introvert lends me to being anxious and being hard on myself. When I’m highly anxious I start doing things I would not normally do. Or saying things I would not normally say.

Introverts hold it in and hide. But what do you do if you can’t hide? Babel about nonsense seems to be my forte.

How can I fix myself? What am I not doing that I need to do to make myself feel better? Well, for one thing… over the summer I was kayaking, Mountain biking, and a lot more active than I am aright now. I got my riding lessons in every week and stayed active. Perhaps, my problem is that I am not staying active enough. Maybe I am not accessing the outlet I need to get rid of this anxiety that plagues me.

Oh my… I think that’s it. All summer I was hiking, kayaking, riding bikes, walking with my friend and my dog. What do I do now? I watch TV and fester and rot on the couch. I’m not burning my anxious energy like I need to. I have very little excuse to not do it either. I have cold weather cycling gear. I have a membership to the recreation center. There’s no reason I can’t talk my boyfriend into walking with me, if I want to go walk.

I’m an outside person who needs outdoor time to recharge and I’m just not getting enough…

So, I need to make me a routine to help me with things that stress me out to help me to relax. I need a routine during the week that helps me get more active.

So… what do people wear to kayak in the winter?