Publishing???

You should write a book – everyone

Let’s Be Honest

I have always enjoyed writing, but the hardest part about writing is allowing people to read my creations. I pour my heart and soul into what I write and I am afraid that once I revealing that part of myself. For me, publishing on WordPress was a huge step into sharing my thoughts and feelings. My first post was probably the hardest and pressing that publish button was frightening.

I started this blog, because I wanted to share my thoughts, feelings and struggles with depression with other people. I wanted to be able to help someone else who is suffering from anxiety or depression to express themselves. The hardest part about anxiety or depression is being able to tell someone how you feeling and them being able to understand.

I started this blog after a local police officer committed suicide in his patrol car with his service pistol. This event hit home for me, because I know how that person felt. I know what it’s like to be on the ledge and to think that the only way things will get better is to step off. I cannot be mad at the person like other people were.

The song “Creature Comfort” by Arcade Fire says, “it’s not painless.” I understand that suicide leads to pain for the loved ones and the people around the person who goes through with the act. But, I can’t be angry. I understand that people who suffer with Depression and Anxiety have moments when they are not themselves. That they have feelings that they are too afraid to share with others…

That’s why I started this blog. I wanted to reach out and share these thoughts and feelings that I have. I feel like sufferers of Anxiety and Depression are misunderstood, but that’s because it is so difficult for us to share. My boyfriend doesn’t suffer from Anxiety or Depression and has asked me what is like. So, further fuel to the fire.

People have read my blogs and I have allowed my friends to read it as well. My friends have been encouraging me to write a book, but that is a huge step. My boyfriend worries about what this blog might do to my life, if employers knew I was writing about struggling with depression. He worries that I might lose my job or miss out on a promotion because of it.

I can’t decide if I should publish or not. I will continue to kick around the idea, but quite frankly it frightens me. That’s a huge leap for anyone and there’s a lot of risk involved. There’s personal risk and financial risk. Add a bit of fear of failure, and you’ve got a giant ball of anxiety that says, “nope”.

Maybe I will conquer my fear and find a way of publishing higher than this blog, but for now. I think I will stick to the safety of my blog.