What is Self-Blame?
Self–blame is a cognitive process in which an individual attributes the occurrence of a stressful event to oneself. The direction of blame often has implications for individuals’ emotions and behaviors during and following stressful situations. Self-Blame definition
I have a tendency to blame myself for everything that happens to me or around me. I accept responsibility for things I cannot control and sometimes it becomes a very heavy burden.
A burden that turns into depression, anxiety and a list of mental illnesses.
The hardest part is being open about that fact that I am blaming myself. It’s hard to tell people that you know and love that you have huge burden. It’s not a burden anyone placed on you, but it’s self-inflicted.
Did I cause my dog to get sick and get to the point I needed to put him down? No, but I have found myself hitting myself very hard with some blame. Thoughts like, “I wasn’t there enough… I should have been there to take care of him… I should’ve done more…” plague my mind. But this is not the end.
I find myself worrying about making other people sick or being a burden on other people. I keep things hidden and deep inside, because I don’t want to be a ‘burden’.
I suffer from mental illnesses and I have other health problems as well. I tend to “wear the mask” to put people and ease. I fear that if they know what is really happening that I will be come a burden.
I know that I am not alone in the fact that I blame myself for things and hide the fear of becoming a burden to other people.
I have learned that I do not get to decide if I am a burden to someone or not. That is not a decision I can make for another person. The next step is to realize that I can’t control everything and I am not responsible for everything.
In this thing called Life, things are going to happen that I have no control over and it’s important to realize that I am not to blame for when everything goes wrong. When my dog is sick, it’s not my fault. It may become my decision to make on whether or not it is time to end his pain and suffering, but I am not the cause of the problems.
My boyfriend may be upset, but that does not mean I am the cause of it. The problem could be work related, family related or something completely unrelated to me. I may get it into my head that I am a burden on him, but he reminds me that isn’t a decision I can make.
My relationship with my sister is strained and frayed. But blaming myself will not find me a resolution.
I have decided to start writing down positive things that are in the affirmative that I am not to blame for everything. I, also, started reading a book called “The Storm Inside” by Sheila Walsh.
It is important to remember that with the Lord, you are never alone. Anytime you feel like you cannot hold back the storm and its rage, you have to remember you’re not alone. Especially, when you are going through something difficult or traumatic.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed spirit” – Psalm 34:18.
Sometimes, the feeling of being alone feels so dark, deep and endless. Sometimes, your support system you reach out to isn’t available to help you with your problem. But, you are not alone when your heart is open to God. No matter what you face or what you are going through God is there to help you along the way.
I’ve heard it said that “God puts people into your life for a reason”. The reason could be that you need someone to talk to about what you are feeling or you need someone to help you through a tough time. The Bible talks about seasons and things turning. Seasons bring different people into our lives, but it’s important that one remain constant. That constant needs to be God.
In conclusion, I am going to work on my self blame by writing some positive things about my life down and by looking to God for guidance. One day at a time, is all I can do.